Heavy Left

Photo By: Jean Turner

Relationships with our dirt bikes are a touchy thing. After hours of pampering them in the garage we can be hesitant to offer her out on free rides to others. Many of us don’t really want to share our beloved, and that is totally understandable. After all, no one wants someone else roughing up the fenders on our one and only. 

A brand new magazine test bike is a very different thing.

On one hand.. letting someone else ride your dirt bike is like letting someone have sex with your girl. But when its a loaner bike…. its like a orgy porn film where everyone shares, swaps,  and cheers each other on. So, when the wonderful Jean Turner invited me out to flog a brand new 2018 Suzuki RMZ 250F at Cahuilla Creek MX. There was no hesitation. 

Cahuilla Creek Mx is a spiritual place for me. I aim to get there at least 30 minutes before the track is open and I pace around the truck patiently unloading and taking it all in. Ill often walk over the the freshly ripped soil, listening to the clack de clack of the the dozer track, and pick up handfuls of heavenly earth just to get a feel for it. On especially rough mornings Ill crack open a cold one and try and acclimate to the days events while I watch the mist burn off the chocolate colored cake like soil. This is my church. 

It was then that I caught my first glimpse of her. She peeked out behind a sprinter van as it lumbered up the hill to the parking area. My attention immediately shifted as the sun shine upon her glorious curvature. It had been overcast and suddenly there was vibrant sunlight caressing the edge of her lips like the sun kisses the ocean at the last second before sunset.  This was no petite thing. This beautiful beast had girth and stood proud taking in the morning rays. A solid six foot tall she towered over the landscape and foliage yet looked very much inviting. Theres nothing beautiful about dainty flat and board like corners, to earn real awe they have to pack a little heat. Fire this lefty had!

“Lord have mercy!” I whispered silently and my pace picked up unloading. Absolute desire rolled off my lips as the sun faded back to shade.

I had to have her. 

There were a million reasons I couldn’t or shouldn’t have her but god damn it I was going to try. 

There I am sitting in my lawn chair with my pants down, skin and balls clapping against grainy lawn furniture as I take a pause from sliding my knee braces on to take her in again. 

Deep breath in. 

The hair on my legs stand on end as the clouds part to shine those electrifying rays across her backside. My mouth relaxed open as I gaze at her entrance. Its perfect… How has no one else seen this? 

I suck the drool off my lips with my upper teeth take a deep breath in while looking around to see who else has witnessed this glorious spectacle. There are crowds gathering now. All stammering about; unloading as if its some kind of race to get the cooler out of the truck. No one has noticed? It cant be. 

“She will be mine!” I proclaim out loud with no one in earshot.

My heart rate is climbing as I scramble to get my pants and boots on. Constantly lifting my gaze to monitor her position as struggle to buckle my boots. Its as if she is dancing for me without even moving, light bouncing off the imperfections of her moist crusted chocolate skin. 

I am ready now.  As I push down the kickstart on my faithful steed I glance over again. 

One last visualization before I try and ram it in there. 

She’s a Heavy left with a steep lip and deep, soft backside. Towering hight and plenty of stout curvature so you don’t have to be gentle. Theres no passion in being gentle. This berm will take all the abuse you can throw at it, and I have come armed with some pent up frustration and a bright yellow ball of fire to ride. I accelerate toward her and can’t help but notice that the few who entered before me had chosen an early line. Why in the name of Malcolm Smith would anyone go in premature on a beauty like this??

Extremely wide, I roll in as the dirt below the RMZ spreads like a teenage girl on prom night.


Front brake digging harder and harder but she continues to shine like a princess unscathed by the exploitation of energy. My hips slide angrily across the ribbed seat cover. Foot out, head up, I focus on the apex but before I get there I begin to feel it. Lil Miss Suzy starts to stand up so I lift the front brake and dump the clutch simultaneously. My glove tears and twists across the nipples of the crispy new grips as the lil RMZs motor comes to life. 


The tire spins wildly, dirt showers into the air, and the front end lifts like a a crop top at a Motley Crue concert. Its all hanging out now. With dirt flying everywhere, somehow my form feels spot on as I lean all 200 pounds of beer crusted moto mass into the seat. 

But wait… theres a bit of a hesitation. The Mid range of the lil RMZ struggles to carry wheel spin in the deep sand and my victory dance begins to fade as I grab for a lil more clutch.


That little dab of clutch while totally buried into the sand really brought her back to life as I wheelie out to the majestic Heavy Left. Foot slowly lands back on the peg and I get some weight off the seat and into the pegs to wrestle my Lil yellow lover over some cupped out holes exiting the corner. The finely tuned suspenders soak the fight right out of Heavy Left and I pour the rest of the throttle on. 

As me and suzy scream down the straight my eyes water a little. 

I have had had sexual encounter with the Heavy left, on a loaner bike. And It was good. 

I cant thank Jean Turner enough for letting me play in the sand with the cute little RMZ. I felt like I could flop all over that thing and she’d steer right through it all. If I had a complaint I would ask for a bit more juice in the mid range and Id probably move the bars to the forward position to compensate for my long… arms. 

Otherwise she was the perfect date. Thanks to Cycle News, Precision Concepts and Suzuki for letting me play with your stuff. You may want to wash Lil Suzy off before anyone else takes her for a spin. mwa!